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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Went through a big rough patch in relationship life. And am I really out of the patch or am I in a brighter part of that rough patch only? No idea.

Work wise. I am extremely stressed out. Last yr, I was leading a relatively huge team (by merrill standards) for a quarter, before I quit to take up my current job. Not that the team lead role was difficult, but on the contrary, I felt that it was still not challenging enough. Well, I could stay on and excel like crazy. But I chose the more difficult path by going into a 'higher-level' job but no longer lead a team. Cuz it is a completely different role where my stakeholders and working partners and teams are suddenly all so senior...!

This role is so difficult. Im struggling like crazy to stay afloat. Even these few days that Im on course (which pple call them slacking days), I am even more stressed. Cuz work and deadlines jus keep staying in my mind.. and I jus cant wait to rush home at night to switch on my laptop to start doing work. N I scroll my blackberry-iphone more frequently now. Whereas in the past, if Im on course, I will be so relaxed cuz I can knock off early n go out.

This yr is gona be such a challenging year for me. He flies more than ever. And Im just constantly bothered by work. Economy is still not good. Im trying to find a balance. But how? I must learn how to strive thru this. I think if I can survive these few yrs in this role relatively well, then I will be on my way.... to where I wana be. Love life wise........ still quite a bit of uncertainty in my heart. N Im no longer as eager to settle down (not that I dont want, but just not so sure anymore abt life time commitment to one person). It is not so easy to have ur mind made up abt entrusting the rest of ur lifetime and giving ur love to a particular person. Yah just had this conversation with mx.. seems like shes going thru the same train of tots as me too. Thats maybe cuz her ring is ready already ba.. so thinking thru more seriously.. but I dun ma. hmmmz.

Ok need to start my work already. really exhausted............. *dreams abt an Italy vacation*