Happy :)

When things are meant to be, it will be yours. No matter how long it takes.

I realised sth. Sometimes the more pple ard me give me support and show me presence, the more I become reliant on them. When I am without anyone, I feel better being independent and I never felt reliant on anyone. Growing reliance is scary. How can I stop reliance from growing? I dont like the feeling of yi1 lai4 :( It makes one desires more and just generally makes one feel worse. Soo just gota rid it. How did I have that balance many yrs ago? SIGH.

I took my inspirational line off. Just for one simple reason - it isnt complete anymore. And I replaced it with "Insecurity is the basic tool of the actor's trade". Life is like a masquerade and we are all Actors. Only behind the stage we find ourselves yet it is on the stage we find our glory and pride.

"If we hold on together, I know our dreams will never die. Dreams see us through to Forever. Where clouds roll by. For you and I."

N I wrote "Seek out a star, hold on till the end."

Emotion overflow.

This is the second time this happens online. Just overwhelming.


- fang @ 11:17pm -

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Never thought I would come back to this stage again, feeling what I am feeling. I do not think I am a confused soul but I think things are trying to find their right place in my life again. And it is a surprise how I move certain things and how their importance changed. Or maybe it was a natural movement that I wasnt aware of as time passes. Maybe my mindset has changed.. and I no longer is as ambitious in career.. trying too hard to get the things I want. Coz what I really want is not to enjoy success, but to share success. Coz even if I get out of the rat race, I am still a rat. Yup, thats why it was one of my msn nicks recently.

I am embracing life with a whole new note. Is that good or bad? Trying to find that balance and that peace. Trying to rid that insecurity and fear. Trying to find things I love and enjoy certain passions. Walk walk walk in that circle of life.. And then bump bump bump into those people from the histories of ur life. And u wonder.. where u are sometimes.

Long time since I logged into mx's blog. She has not been updating for more than a yr.. hmm. N her last blog stopped at this song which I happened to be playing on my pc now. Sweet song.. which I also feel like dedicating to some pple. People that I really miss. People that I wrote songs for... Dedicating songs to people..

I am waiting for a fairy tale.

吴克群 - 为你写诗

爱情 是一种怪事
我开始全身不受控制
爱情 是一种本事
我开始连自己都不是
为你我做了太多的傻事
第一件就是为你写诗

为你写诗 为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你我学会弹琴写词
为你失去理智
为你写诗 为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你弹奏所有情歌的句子
我忘了说
最美的是你的名

爱情 是一种怪事
你的笑容是唯一宗旨
爱情 是一种本事
我在你心里什么位置
为你我做了太多的傻事
第一件就是为你写诗字

Yesterday happened to hear this really old sally yeh's song zhen xin. It is one of the classic old songs that is beautifully written. Since I was printing out this song's lyrics for my mum (on her request), I read it a few times and remembered how the song applies to some times in my life. This is another one of those songs that I can keep replaying without getting sick of it. Each time I listen to it, I have a new understanding. I am so thankful that the song does not apply to me now. Well since it is the song of the day for me today, I shall put the lyrics here. I love every line of it - every line depicts those feelings so well - believe it is a phase where many people who have been thru heartaches would have been thru before?

I just had this feeling recently that hey hf u have misjudged so many things and have again overestimated someone again. Yeah, I guess it is faith and trust that leads to that. It takes a lot to have faith and trust in someone, and once broken once, twice.. that's it. I will stick to my final conclusion and will never, ever change again. It is scary when someone can say certain words with so much determination and certainty, only to act in a contrary manner just shortly after. It goes to show how much determination and will a person has in wanting to achieve his goals. And about a person's principles. It is disappointing because I believe in those words and giving things a probability of change. But well, it is good too. All that will let me reduce the probability all to zero and I will bravely walk on to my brand new life with no guilt, no apologies, no nothing. It left only negative negative impressions of the end. And all the more I blamed myself for not ending things earlier. Way back like a yr back from the zouk incident to lotsa things, why did I feel softened and throw out chances all the time?

But well I am so so happy and I feel more relieved. Only a little bit of regret about things that have happened. They should not even take place in the first place. Hf should have followed her heart in the first place and not xin luan multiple times.

Yeah, and I will go on to follow my heart now without fear. When u really love or like a person, nothing changes it. When u no longer love or like a person, nothing changes it either. I heard sth like this from an interview with Gigi Leung. That's what she said.. when a person stops liking you, no matter what u do will not bring a change of heart. I so agree with that coz there are so many times I felt that I dont like someone anymore, no matter how they plead and beg.. I will be just so cold coz I really just dont feel anything for him anymore. Well but if there are feelings in the first place and the will is there to get someone back, I will stick to my principles and do things that are right and not give up so easily. At least for a while. Not just months. Otherwise, it goes to show how weak I am to fall to easier alternatives - that just means the person is not mature and wen zhong enough. And these people are never my type. I am a very strong and principled person and I need someone more than this.

The sky was beautiful yesterday with pretty clouds. And when I was at demsey last night, clouds form the same pattern and the sky was lit with moonlight. It is beautiful. So are my fridays. Despite all the shit work that xp gives me.. I know what else can motivates me in life.