Is it so difficult to follow the heart? Sometimes it is, when you want to be considerate. That's the dilemma I am facing with. Being considerate vs selfishly pursuing what you want for the time being. Coz I wouldnt know what I want to pursue right now will be something I want for life. If it's not, that will hurt people in the process.

I just don't understand why certain feelings can diminish so soon whilst some feelings can stay so long. Feelings that can stay so long only happened once to me I guess. Wonder if I have changed or I just havent met that person. I never want to hurt anyone but why am I hurting so many? How can I believ3 in passion anymore? Or did I become more rational and less emotional over the years? I do not believe in fairy tales anymore - they only exist in my past and these stories have already expired.... haha.

I just find it weird that how come I do not feel that I need anyone. All the friends I talked to all seem to need someone or hope to have someone by them. But how come I do not feel that way? Am I really self-fulfilled in other aspects of my life? I do not think so though. Maybe I am afraid of losing my freedom or afraid of committment? Or am I afraid of the endings? Maybe I hate to see endings.. 2 same hands that used to hold each other can wave bye to the other hand in the end. I don't like that. I would rather keep that person as a friend forever then so I will still get to see him. But once you have broken up before, you will not see him anymore not even as a friend.

I used to think that the largest meaning in life is to find that soul mate you can share your love and tots and everything with. But I seem to have dropped that thought some time ago because I still feel that there is no one I can live without. I only appreciate and keep those little moments when I feel touched..coz these moments lead nowhere. Maybe Im a stupid sucker for these no-end stories haha.