Ive been talking to many frens recently about their rs problems and was quite affected. Why can't relationships n affairs be simple and harmless? Even I cannot answer that myself coming from a life full of complicated stories to tell.

I am envious of people who have only one relationship in their lives sometimes then they will never experience the hurt and the devastating break-up. And they will not go ard asking what is love or whether they are in love. But I used to tell myself if I do not go through all these different emotions in life, what will that make me or my life?

I once wanted my memories to be washed away so that I can start afresh like a brand new person with brand new energy. But I remembered I also once said that the thing I am most afraid of losing is my memory. Now, if I were to choose again, I do not think I want my past to be erased anymore. Because it so defines me.

I have been stoning a lot again. My moods fluctuate a lot too. I don't think it's pms coz I hardly have it. So it must be myself. Sometimes I feel confused I feel lost. I was very happy by myself for a while. Was it too soon to rush into sth? Or maybe it was too late? I dunno. I think I cannot tell what I am thinking of and what I want. I thought I was ready, or was I not? I can't stop doubting myself and I don't trust myself now. Could it be because of too many worries and concerns that is why I cant remain that happy as I was before? I told myself to live in the present, hold on to all the todays but I realise it is just so hard to do.

I chanced upon letters written to me, letters I wrote before. I find there is a need to write back to at least one or two persons who were once special in my life. I still need to thank them for everything done for me. Somehow, I am just not someone that forgets what pple have done for me before.. I really do appreciate (though not in the way the other party would wish) but I am not good at expressing it. Life is kinda messy now. I think I complicate things too much by thinking too much.

My fren just told me to look at her msn nick that goes : "we are always looking for that right person, but are we the right person? ". Yes, it is so hard to find someone that is 'the one' and you being 'the one' for him. It is hard to even know if someone is 'the one'. Very often, you will only find out when he leaves your life. My another fren saes that the person she is looking for is someone that is a soul mate. Will a soul mate naturally be the one? I found someone that was like my soul mate.. he thought I could be the one coz we have never met anione that just reads each other so well and having same fetishes and likings. But does it mean he is the one? I don't know but I dun think so. I think someone will be 'the one' for me once I fall in love for him ba. As simple as that. But what is holding me back?