Havent posted for a long time. Today, I finally moved my butt outta hse to get a life. usualli my 'go out of hse' is like for some purpose, sch, errands watever. I watched Happy Birthday today, a show with Louis Koo n Rene Liu as leads. I felt so sad after watching it. I see myself in e role rene acts, or mabe Im seeing some parallels between my life n their love story? Or maybe many love stories in real life are similar in that way, Im just concentrating too much on my own story? Makes me realli wonder how each love story is like behind everyone as I walk on the streets looking at loners, looking at couples, looking at the old people.

Anyway, that is a really sad story. True love exists between two persons, but they just dun work out. The girl cant walk out of her own shadow, and overcome or solve the prob of insecurity with him. The guy comes n go, leaving moments that are eternal in both of their minds. Although they noe each other for so mani yrs, their on and off relationship is sth that cant be described. Not friends, not a couple, not lovers. They tell pple ard 'yes we are gd frens, yes we have broken up long ago' but they just dun appear to be ani way more distant. N when they see each other, its almost natural that they hug, that they hold hands, that they look at each other in that way. But none jus spoke a word about love, abt their 'relationship'. So some of their frens sae 'maybe they werent away from each other at all. their hearts have always been tied up despite distance, despite absence'. N when they asked the girl why is she still waiting, what is she waiting for..she replied "maybe Im waiting for him to give mi a more secure feeling, maybe Im waiting for the day when I feel more confident with him". There was also this line she said before "When he wants to appear, he will" Den later on, somehow the guy just disappeared, she cudnt find him at all by phone by anithing. One day, he called her to sae he's getting married, n he wasnt sure till e last min, so that explains everiting. [At this pt, I was tinkin to myself isnt this the same as my fren's speculation?] OMG. All these...all these. dun they all sound so familiar? Yah closer frens will noe wat im talking abt. But of coz, abt him getting married is all but a lie. Is all but love for her. I shall not reveal the ending.

Den my fren who also watched the show said "Why must humans make love so complicated? Both of them obviousli love each other n yet ....... " den I said ya I also used to think that true love can overcome everiting, but I noe it cant jus like wat the show tells us. And wats more, even if we wana treasure true love, it's so difficult to find it in e first place. True love that is two-way in particular. I still believe that love in its simplicity has too mani complexities involved, maybe that's why it made stories so ke4 gu3 ming2 xin1. Perhaps that's the beauty of love... that makes people crazy, that makes people pursue it, that brings out so many undiscovered parts of a human's emotional mind. Yes.. so my story goes sadly like that. N I wonder at times, what went wrong in the butterfly effect chain? Which thing did I do wrongly? What would have changed? How are the other parallels of me doing in the other possible lives? [Ya u have to noe wat butterfly effect means and the physics theory ting abt turning back of time to noe wat Im talking abt. If u dun den dun try to fathom wat im saying]

The show is modified from Rene Liu's original script. Is it from her own story or a story she created? hmm. I feel so inspired to write a movie script too. I wanted to start by writing a story some weeks ago. In the end I only save the little parts I wrote as draft in my blog. Im not good at novel writing, mabe in chinese still possible. But I guess I can onli do it better by using scenes and scripts. Since JC, I have alwiz hope to write a script that can be produced as a movie. Ya one of those ambitions I have. Will I ever have such a chance?

Anyway back to the story. Omg, im just so good at sidetracking. Ya, n when the part abt he getting married was shown, I told myself I dun wana be like in her shoes, feeling so terrible after acting strong for so mani yrs. So must tink of sth to prevent tt frm happening. N... after that the ending came n it was actuali sth else. Sth happened to him actualli. For a while, I got worried.. N after the show I went to the washroom, I feel like dialing that number all over again. But I din. [Oh I just realised now that she oso did that] I dun believe that will happen. I would feel better if hes married. Argh, will I? Oh well, whatever. One day, one day I will realli tink of him ten times n need not cry the 10 times, or jus 8 times, 5 times, 1 time.... N we will realli be 'good friends' in the sense of what Rene said to Louis in the show, what he said to me n I said to him many yrs ago. Were we really never apart too? No No I dun nid an answer, hf got to walk out of this shadow. Walk out of it totally. *ganbatte ne I will*