Stoned the whole nite while listening to gigi's new songs. feeling completely 无奈. I shall use the different parts of her songs to string up sth with my own words... sth that expresses my thoughts and recent xin qing. perhaps.

曾经突如其来的那些时间,那段对话,好像天使飞过.之后,我常常睁开眼睛却感觉不到天亮,东西吃一半莫名其妙哭一场,我忍住不想时间变得更漫长. 对你的期待,每段都有记载.虽然那前方模糊,可是想法清清楚楚,比所有人都渴望你能幸福.原来爱情这么伤,泪水总是不听话,幸福躲起来不声不响,只想变的坚强,强到能够去忘.泪水明明流不干,瞎了眼还要再爱一趟,难道我真的还是follow my silly motto "如果爱你是种盲目 我要拿永远当赌注才算数". 谢谢你在那些日子让我做你唯一的天使,虽然当时我希望这能成为一辈子.谢谢你让我从故事回到了真实,我们之间也许应该到此为止.

我将站在你不远处,默默地为你祝福,把对你的爱藏起来,放你去寻找追逐.我站在爱的不远处,不在乎守候多辛苦,当你孤单时想起我,那是我最大的幸福.

Nice lyrics ya? Combination of words plus some of my own stringed up. haha. I have a feeling that I can start writing songs again actually. When Im down enough, my inspiration comes back. But too bad i got no time.. Met my fren todae, wanted to ask her abt starting the group for our song composing, but we were too carried away talking abt something else. Regarding that sth else, if u r reading this my dear, I duno if I really can do it. Thanks for your encouragement though.


有一天我会打完思念的一场战.回过头再看一看,原来爱情那么伤,下次还会不会这样?

Had a exhausting chalet yesterday. Din sleep the whole nite, out talkin with my frens. Also not bad quite enjoyable.. compared to playin monopoly or risk again n again haha.

Suddenli tot abt my another grp of frens.. of which one of them kinda hurt me recentli. Its so scary when u have always treat her like your real fren, and suddenli one dae realised that she backstabbed u. Or do things that u wudnt have expected her to do as your friend. I shouldnt have trusted people so easily on the first look or on the surface. But I always talk to her as though shes my close fren. Coz close frenships always develop with one person opening up him/herself first followed by the other. In making friends Ive always been more trusting less cynical compared with bgrs (boy girl rs). Just hope that it's just an exception. Was bothered for a while only anyway.

As for the two parallel paths that crossed and became parallel again, I decided to let things take its own course too. What s meant to be will be, isnt it? Though I really wish to try further, I do not know how and I have no means of doing so. Will I regret when Im old? Should I try? Hmm, let me think another period of time first. Perhaps Im just so afraid of getting hurt again and fear living my whole life with huge emotional baggage. chuan2 dao4 qiao2 tou2 zi4 ran2 zhi2.. I hope will have better n happier things to update next time =>

Where is the love and how are love stories like in this city we are living in? Very often, those of us who are still expecting to meet someone will wonder who we will meet, where is the end of the path, what will the ending be like etc etc. 爱情,缘分有时候需要运气，还需要很多力气.. 有时候，尽管再怎么努力，会伤害人还是会被伤害...哪一个结局才算好呢, nobody really knows or has the answer. 爱一个人纯真的感觉很辛福, 很温暖.. 同时也可能遍体鳞伤时 傻得继续相信爱情.. 每次放声大哭时 仍然愿意为他执着..

而我呢一直相信 "人生总有许多巧合 两条平行线也可能会有交汇的一天"这句话.. In the end it really happened. But very sadly, parallel paths that have crossed have become parallel again. How many times have this happened? Just find it really hard to come to terms with it.我还能相信爱情吗? Why does a few daes make such a big difference in my life? Took 5 days to gradually console myself. But still.. 无奈.

Listened to a new song by Gigi tonite. I like this part:
原来爱情这么伤
原来爱情是这样这样峰回路转
泪水明明流不干瞎了眼 还要再爱一趟
有一天终于打完思念的一场战
回过头再看一看
原来爱情那么伤
下次还会不会这样

Anyway Gigi's new album is good. Conveyed its theme well. The songs covered many aspects and perspectives of love and relationship. N I really like her vocal. Anyone in love before can find him/herself in at least one of the songs.

转眼之间头发长了又要剪
转眼之间离开的朋友后来又忽然出现
生命像一个圆圈
但你呢依旧无言
转眼之间流行又转了一圈
转眼之间朋友们换了新身份擒家带眷
生命像一个圆圈
我们呢我们的爱
却越行越远

Feeling exactly this haha. The cycle of my life seems to be repeating, though I did not really think there are cycles involved in life as such. But people who walked into my life some yrs back whom I thought have disappeared for good, are walking into my life once again. Im just quite surprised. I din believe or rather didnt think that life would really be like a cycle as routinely as it was conveyed through the song. I only believe that people walk in and out of our lives at different points of time. Until now, when three persons (so far) that once disappeared from my life returned all over again at the same time, it really feels like a 'cycle'. Or is it plain coincidence?

Meeting these people just made me feel that Ive grown older haha. Thinking back at things done and said then, Im looking at a slightly different girl - - someone more gullible, more trusting, more naive. Perhaps those are gifts of youth =)

Been slacking since sunday night, even went to look for travel books on aust. Really looking forward to the trip. Only pity is that I dun have a loved one to travel with me. Used to imagine a grad trip with frens and a loved one beside me since start of my uni life. But of course it cant be fulfilled. When I was looking through those books, I went to browse some on Europe too. Hopefully, in future I can tour Europe with someone I love, haha new dream. Though I havent really abandoned my secret milan dream. I will try to abandon it gradually. If it was mine to begin with, it would or would have become reality. It's alright =)

When you are not beside me, I close my eyes and pretend you are walking hand in hand with me.
When you are not beside me, I close my eyes and hear you breathe, pretending you are right here in my arms.
When you are not beside me, I hold my own hands, pretending that my hands are held.
When you are not beside me, your love will convince me that Im in your heart and you will hold on to me.

Thats how I love you. I love you, anyway.

Realli hate it when I talk to people who just dun answer me in a sensical way. Someone just got on my nerves a little. Nvm.

Aniwae, do men reali get sick of their partners' faces and bodies after a long time being together? Just sth that happened recentli around me that made me kinda disappointed. Reminds me of that korean movie bian4 lian3 you1 huo4 I watched some time back. The guy got sick of that woman or rather she doesnt feel 'fresh' animore since they have been together for so long. Even though he still loves her, he fantasizes abt other women etc etc. Its so upsetting that the woman went under the knife, in order to get his attention n so on n on. The story ended very disastrously and grossly. I think quite a lot of men are like that I realised. And sadly that doesnt mean that the guy dun love the girl anymore. They are probably more visual creatures than emotional creatures. But of coz women being emotional creatures cannot tolerate that. Hmm.

I did have a silly new year resolution admist other more serious ones. And just a few daes into the new year, it seems that Im already failing to achieve it. Makes me wonder whats realli in for me in my near future, in my future. Things that never cross my mind just happened, one after another. Not the first time Im experiencing this statement "life is unpredictable" but its just amazing, realli amazing just how my life goes on. After so many years, six to seven perhaps, I realised Im back at square one doing, feeling, thinking abt the same tings again. Gosh, our paths crossed again. It is sth that was never a possibility. Some frens told mi this is fate, go for it. But one fren told mi this jus means there is no fate. Well, I don't know. It is too scary to step out, at least for me. So I decided whatever that happens or is going to happen, I will try to keep it as part of memory, part of me again. Again coz I said the same thing about 5 years back.

I prolly gota suck thumb soon again. I must face reality and not hope for the impossible. I heard sth todae: when god closes one door, he does open another door for you. I guess my door should be somewhere god is fair. So shall not despair as much ya.

Another thing i heard todae: As long as you are living, u shouldnt have regret. Regrets belong to the departed. hmmm. Food for thought while I continue with my thesis.

First thing that made me feel happy this year hehe. A really sweet coincidence at HMV todae (nw past 12am, so shud be ydae (= heh). Fate responded to my question today. But I hope fate will not make a fool of people again, just like it did to me before. Duno why it just made me smile smile smile. What's that about? I don't care, Im just gona keep that momentary happiness with me tonight. I just cant believe it.

Just caught the last episode of One Litre of Tears (also known as A Diary with Tears). Find it very touching. Its a real life story of this 15 yr old girl who had an incurable disease Spinocerebellar Degeneration Disease. The whole show was about her struggle, her fight against the disease as her motor system degenerates, from losing the ability to estimate distances to eventually not being even able to walk, to speak and to write properly. Like what she wrote in her diary "The body doesnt seem to belong to me". And she wrote her deepest thoughts in a diary until the last day she could hold a pen. Eventually she passed away at 25 years old. This story took place 29 yrs ago from that girl's death (also named Aya as in the show). And her diary and writings that were published till now have given hopes to many who have the same disease and people who are in despair. Very heartwarming show, especially after every episode when they show the photos of that girl in real life through her different phases. I think the worst part of having the disease is really the discriminating eyes of people, it just makes them feel useless and worthless but not many know that they are as normal as any of us in terms of intelligence and mental well being. But well, a very meaningful show that will make people cry and make people happy knowing that they are so fortunate to be alive.

The question of why disease and death strikes just the people they strike keeps appearing at different parts of the show. And eventually, it ended saying that unfortunately there is no answer to that. There are just certain things that are destined and out of our control. If an accident just did happen to someone causing him to die, nothing can change the fact. At many times in the show, the girl also wished there was a time machine so that she could turn back time, but after a while realise that that is of no use coz its a helpless and unfulfilable wish. Thus, she started her diary thing and publishing those articles that actuali helped inspire some people, including even stopping a person from committing suicide coz of that disease. I wonder if I will be as brave and noble as her in her circumstance.

Anyway, it's a new year! Shall look at the new year with some hopes and optimism while I let the past be really part of the past =) Going forward, really hope to embrace a 'new form of life'.