Monday, November 27, 2006
Slacked the whole dae, lotsa chatting n surfing with minimal studying. The anticipation in my heart coupled with the bits of stress n bits of unhappiness results in a feeling which I do not know if I should call that missing somebody or is that just a feeling of longing for something. Hmm, those sepia images of past yrs have edged into my mind more frequentli esp this yr. Those many daes of youth in our uniforms that we so often take for granted are just drifting further n further away from the present. Sounds kinda scary huh?
Some days ago, when I suddenli realised I lost memory of a particular song that rgs used to sing, I went to dig out this ten-yr old Rafflesian song book (dated 1996) that has already collected a thin veil of dust on it. Looking at all those writings, all those songs, with all the typical rgs drawings makes me feel old. Hey it was nearli 10 yrs ago I received this booklet after PSLE n den holding it in my hand sitting in that hall after a month. Getting used to e all-unfamiliar surroundings, atmosphere and the 'cheering low n loud' (that really beats my mind for a while) hahaha. Glad that my memory din fail mi completeli, I still know how to sing most of the songs in there that still feels as meaningful as I first learnt it *big smile* shall take a pic of that booklet n post it here another dae. Just miss all those times, from those superficial gossip sessions n bitchin abt pple to the deep conversations abt guys n people n life. What else? The many food n places we explored, running after each other like mad people just to drench each other with chilli or water, taking stupid videos n fotos, silly n flopped attempts to dress up that created all those laughter, sleepin on e uncomfy breakwaters overnite tt leads to muscle aches, playin truant, watchin n imitating those star in mvs lol, moments in the squash courts to moments at the piano, the hugs n tears shed together.........many many others. these images jus formed so mani chapters of my life that I cant remember when my first chapter begins.
What am I expecting going forward? No idea at all because I am sure the future holds only the unexpected. When I tot I could foresee my next 5 yrs with certainty just a while ago, who knows that everything in my life suddenly break away from that? Even I din expect myself to be back at square one where I was couple of yrs back. In that state of taking steps one at a time, with silent anticipation. A decade or just 5 yrs ago I wouldnt foresee myself in the state I am now in too. That is how scary n mabe exciting life can be eh. At least for the first quarter or third of my life?
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Im so freaking bored just after reading two papers for my risk n insurance module. Had my first paper today, my first exam paper in my whole uni life without presence of him. Surprisingly, I dun feel that I missed out sth. Mabe coz I was never dependent on him, which he thought I am, I presumed. Nay, like what suf said, Im alwiz very independent. Not that Im strong, just that I havent met anione that I cant live without. Got this parcel from him, my new Coach wristlet. Though I would have preferred brighter colors and sth lighter n less formal. Perhaps, I have changed that much that he doesnt even know what my preferences are anymore. Few yrs back when I was a more boring person, I would have loved this mohagony color.
But not really me now. Love the design though. Sigh but made me feel bad, I reali dun wish to owe him anymore time, efforts, feelings. Though I look forward to dec, Im dreading it.. I really dun wish to know what will happen when we c each other. Yes he wants to see me n wana work things out. Im quite at a loss, especially when Im so used to being alone. Talkin to a few frens who have been maintaining long distance relationships makes me think differently of the way I reacted when he was away. Perhaps it was just normal? One fren actuali told mi that it cud b so weird that the person feel so far away when he comes back that u cant even hold his hand. What was mine then? It was so long ago, I dun feel like recalling.
Anyway, my life only lacks one thing now. MUSIC!!!! Im like dying without music. This is ME ipod-less below!!
Music = My life........... AWWWWW. I shall go fix my ipod after exams. Cant put any new songs SOB. And I got to on my comp to listen to songs I wana listen to. Recently Im so mesmerized by Love in Harvard. But a bit disappointed when I heard that the female lead in the show oso went under the knife before.. No wonder she is so pretty n gorgeous. N guess what, the not-so-pretty female lead in GONG also went thru plastic surgery before. As well as many korean female actresses. One exception is Song Hye Geok (not sure how to spell but song hui qiao in chinese), starred in Full House. One big natural beauty. Ah well..
Haha and one interesting update in my life. I nearly went for this blind date thing HAHAHA. Can u believe it? My fren chanced upon this romancing thing, 4 blind dates arranged over 4 different days in coming dec, for the purpose of 'makin new frens' n winnin some prizes etc etc. I didnt know that I will have to hit this so soon wahaha. K la, maybe not so soon, not now la. It's not as though my condition is "ROTTING ON THE SHELF". NAYYYY... not YET. Though I must remember to check the expiry stamp on myself once in a while esp when time is passing so fast HAAAA. At least now Im still "FRESH ON DISPLAY" kekekke. im talking rubbish..fulstop for this lol.
Kies I gota keep going for just a few daes more, after wed then I can slack a bit before my last paper. Just so zero motivation, no mugging mood. Still keeping fingers crossed for some other things in my life.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Wanted to post the MV with the song Gan Deh Ji Geum but found this MV nicer.. Realised the song Ive been looking for (Gan Deh Ji Geum) is actually all along in my playlist.. Get this warm n fuzzy feeling whenever I see some scenes in full house.. Yeah a good break when Im bored with my work, wakes mi up too. Going to keep my fingers crossed for everithing right now.. All the way till Dec.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
food. the onli thing that soothes mi everitime i get mad or upset. ya. n i jus took food. sighs. jus reali dislike some stuff. freaks.
yea. hopefulli food can cure that headache i got jus now. sux big time. hais exams exams coming. n i haven started at all. AT ALL! am i goin to try my luck or wat? i must reali chiong like shit. n not entertain ani irritating tings. gona pray for lady luck to be by my side.
Monday, November 06, 2006
dang shin eun... na neun ba bo ib ni da (Im a Fool) - StayI was stupid. I was an idiot.
It's too late for me to regret it.
I know that I cant turn back the hands of time.
I won't be able to see you anymore.
I know that
Its my fault. I am really sorry...
Couldn't tell you then but I am really sorry..
So now I come to beg you for forgiveness
You and I are stupid
Because of my pride
Im destroying myself with alcohol
and the bitter taste of cigarette smoke.
You and I am stupid.
Because you still love me.
You are crying everyday.
We are both idiots.
Don't be like that, think about it.
Think about what it took us to get here
Think about it again, you're going to regret it.
I was so wrong, Im really sorry
I didnt get a chance to say then, instead I was just being rotten.
So Im here now pleading for forgiveness with worry.
You and I are stupid
Because of my pride
Im destroying myself with alcohol
and the bitter taste of cigarette smoke.
I cry my eyes out all day because I still love you.
You and I, we both are like fools.
I can't live a moment without you.
I still cry even no matter how I drink or if I cut my hair.
You and I are stupid
Because of my pride
Im ruining myself with alcohol
and the bitter taste of cigarette smoke.
I cry my eyes out all day because I still love you.
You and I, we both are like fools.
Don' ruin yourself anymore...
Nice Princess Hours (Goong) Songs n Translations Coming Up in my BLOG =))J & Howl - Perhaps Love (translated)I don’t know when it all started
When my head became dizzy with thoughts of you
These thoughts would often pop up in my mind
I feel anxious as my heart expands towards you
It’s nothing.. it’s just a little thing
Your words are awkward to me
Is it love? If you feel the same way, is it a beginning?
My heart keeps saying it loves you
It screams out for the whole world to hear
Why has it taken so long for me to hear it~?
We’ve finally met.. finally found love
If I wanted to show you how I feel
The only way would be for you to become me
I’m already inside of you
Just like you’re inside of me
To each other [to each other]
We may already be too accustomed
Is it love? If you feel the same way, is it a beginning?
My heart keeps saying it loves you
It screams out for the whole world to hear
Why has it taken so long for me to hear it~?
We’ve finally met.. finally found love
When I think about it [when I think about it]
I realize how many moments there were when my heart trembled
I’ll try as harder as I was late in realizing my feelings
I’ll be with you, I’ll only give you fond memories
Please don’t ever leave me again
Even the shortest moments without you make me uneasy
Please stay by me~I already love you so much (you’re the only one)
was at bcp proj when we talked abt this old song.. las time when i listened i din realise the lyrics are so nice till my fren talked abt it tt dae.. coz i wasnt super attracted to e tune back then.. i actuali haf the song in my list but alwiz din play it haha.
Drops of Jupiter - TrainNow that she’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there
Now that she’s back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there’s time to grow, hey, hey
Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that she might think of me as plain ol’ jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you’re wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone Conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
These few days have been quite a disappointment. In certain people that I know, after seeing and hearing what they do and say. Oh well, but they probably do not know that I feel that. In a way, I felt a bit deceived yet on the other hand I feel that things have probably always just what they have been. Perhaps I just din realise. Perhaps I am just too naive. Perhaps I still think reality exists. My false perception of reality. During moments of impulse, I feel like confronting and ask them certain things, other times I feel like scolding them. But everytime such impulse arises in me, I withdraw from everything. Turn and walk away. No point hearing some things straight from the horse's mouth to get myself hurt. Naively, I brushed things off since it might not be the truth. But come on, why should I expose myself to more chances to get hurt? "time and actions will prove it all." and yes it did. Unfortunately, it has proven the opposite.
I really just find it a bit hard to accept the fact that actions are not in sync with words and implied meanings. Maybe coz Im a victim of the fact and not a third party. Thinking about it makes me feel distracted and I dislike it. I dunno who to turn to to complain. Smile it off laugh it off is what I did in the end. And this really SUX. Why must I hear things on a weekly frequency that makes me upset? I shall not bother anymore, no I try not to bother anymore.
