Again a long shower-over-face bath.. sashimi wasnt cold enough todae.. it isnt raining todae.. it feels sad todae.. somehow food isnt the best cure animore.. is it coz im fallin sick? or wat.. i think i need to go to ai qing hai soon again.. a conversation below written.. unfortunateli onli one person will prob understand this senseless, no beginning no ending, weird conversation.

She said: I walked towards that spot, thinking of that feeling yrs back. A hunch. That something similar will happen again. That feeling. No it's impossible. Yet, it did. And I was alone again sitting there waiting for the bus. Why did it feel that way, I cant fathom. Holding back tears, staring far away with really big eyes, stone, and they fell. All in combination with those butterflies in the stomach. It feels as though I was waiting for someone, not a bus. When the bus came, I walked up with a really weird feeling. On the bus, I sat, stoned, stared out of the window as though sth out there is comforting. But some scenes reran. My mind was blank. I seemed to be playing with my shadows. The bus ride was really fast this time. And at the stairs I stopped halfway, felt really really terrible I couldnt move on. Butterflies butterflies they came again.... And.. Basically I just really don't understand what is all these. It's so weird, is it stress?

I said: What was it that made u that sad?

She said: It's not only sad, it's just unbelivable. What was happening? Everything is just weird.

I said: What else do you feel?

She said: I feel that Im a failure. Hesitant at the wrong moments, impulsive at the wrong moments. That leads me to where I was. And I do not want to be hesitant nor impulsive anymore. So do nothing. And yet I felt that I lost something.

I said: Do you know what you want?

She said: I don't know. I don't know when I will know what I want too.

I said: Then don't think about it. Don't think too far. Handle what you need to and can handle first. And let other things take it own course. You can't plan life, you cant decide your fate, but perhaps you can maneuver ard it.

She said: Im afraid. Just this general feeling of fear.

I said: My dear, life can be planned to a certain extent, but you never know what it holds for you. Could be good, could be bad. Pluck up some courage, to learn how to face not only good but bad things as well.

She said: It's easier said than done. Im completely lost for a while.

I said: You need hugs and comfort.

*hug*

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